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Wednesday, 28 September 2011

image for Mulligan! Obama Convinces UAW to Take $33m Golf Complex Off Market with Bailout Offer!
UAW Blows $39M, Taxpayers Stuck with Obama's 'Change!"

The United Auto Workers (UAW) quietly withdrew their $33M, 1,000 acre resort in Michigan from the market after a private meeting with Obama's 'Green Team" at the EPA which promised a cash infusion to promote more 'green jobs' and pointing to the sprawling resort as being the 'Administration's poster child for environmental consciousness.'

EPA Chief Lisa Jackson said she has put the 'investment' on the fast track for approval
in order for the UAW to maintain control of the Black Lakes Golf Course complex, and 'pay back' the $39M in 'loans' the union has already advanced themselves since 2000. Over $25M was flushed down the toilet between 2007-2010 alone.

Jackson declared, "To let this environmentally sensitive property return to its natural state as a wild life preserve and sanctuary would not only be a set back for the President's commitment to support the union movement in the country, but would cost thousands of 'green jobs' while the country is hurting!"

According to financial reports lawn mower 'engineers' receive $58 an hour, sprinkler attendants, "Irrigation Engineers' receive $62 and hour, and leaf blowers , "wind power
technicians' rake in $65 an hour, all with liberal health care, overtime, pension, and holiday and sick time perks.

Recent investigations reported that the complex reports $3.4M in wages every year while paying out $5.9 in pensions. Accountants have discovered 'scratchy' records and are unable to account for who's on the payroll, and who the pensioners are, a finding discredited by Union officials who say "we have the records, we just can't put our finger on them right now."

The golf course, designed by famous architect Rees Jones to the tune of $6.5M has been listed as one of the nation's top 100 'public' courses.

In addition to the course, the compound boasts the "UAW Family Learning Center' a complex of apartments, condominiums, a club house and membership meeting hall which accommodates union members and their families for free to attend 'educational and union organizing seminars."

Some former guests likened the events to attending a Scientology Pep rally with the emphasis on union organizing and combatting 'right to work' movements in the states.

The complex, allegedly funded by Union Pension Funds, has been bleeding money since it opened, hence the $39M in 'loans' from the Union Leaders.

The complex is named after Walter Reuther, a famous Union organizer who died mysteriously in a plane crash on his way to view the site in 1970.

Reuther was on Nixon's enemies list after forming a bond with the Teamsters, (what could be life threatening in that?), and taking on Nixon's policies in Vietnam. He was a staunch supporter of Martin Luther King and the Kennedy's which incurred the ire of FBI cross dresser Herbert Hoover. To this day over 200 pages of investigative reports on Reuther's death have not been released by the FBI.

Reuther survived a similar crash in 1968, and his brother and family to this day declare his death was not an accident. In both incidents the altimeter on the planes 'failed' leading up to the crash which took 6 lives.

Reportedly President Obama, Bill Clinton, Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, Alex Baldwin and Sean Penn have all been guests at one time or another, often seen putting around together in a 'mixed' foursome with attractive cart girls on hand with complimentary drinks and 'snacks."

According to "Tony" the locker room attendant, a retired olive oil purveyor from Union City, NJ, "the President was really taken by the course and the facility. He thought it would be great if it became the next venue for the Masters, and a future Winter Olympics and said he would be 'talkin to a few people!"

In Obama's honor the exclusive walnut paneled men's locker room has been officially designated "Hope and Change Room" marked by a brass name plate with a likeness of the President inscribed.

In addition to 'mystery' employees, the club might also have some explaining to do to tax officials in Cheboygan Country. During bankruptcy hearings on GM, the union listed the property's worth at $33m, while the county has it listed at $17m, a discrepancy costing local taxpayers over $770k a year in lost revenue.

Since the EPA can hand out loans on a whim with no oversight, it comes as no surprise that several construction companies were seen on site this week breaking ground for a helicopter landing pad, cutting timber and setting poles for a chair lift, and placing TV camera viewing stands around the golf course.

Union officials were 'mum' on the subject while locals were not supportive.
Said local heavy equipment operator Lenny Grabransky, "we're all out of work here, and what do they do....bring in these Chicago Contractors to do the work. We axed 'em why would they do that, and the only answer I got was 'because we can!"

More Hope and Change as We Get It.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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