Washington, DC-- First lady Michelle Obama has a new culinary obsession--the platypus! Mrs. Obama loves eating the strange Australian animal morning, noon and night. The obese swing-belly consumes dozens of platypuses a day, and simply adores every part of them.
The first lady loves having platypus eggs for breakfast, and eats them scrambled. She drinks gallons of their salty milk which she squeezes from the sweat glands on their furry bellies. She has also ordered the White House chef to fry platypus legs as a substitute for bacon.
For lunch, Mrs. Obama has platypus salad sandwiches, along with a bowl of platypus soup. When she's very hungry she eats their chewy, leathery beaks with her strong hippo-like jaws as a midday snack.
Roasted platypus is on the menu every night at the White House. The first lady makes sure her entire family eats every single part of the platypus, including the eyes. Dessert is either jellied platypus or platypus ala mode.
The first lady wants all Americans to eat platypuses. She wants platypuses on school menus across the country and she also wants them served at fast-food places too.
"Eat platypuses. Then you can look like me." said the very strange first lady.