Al Gore denounced all insurance companies today after it was revealed he has been denied medical and life insurance against "Spontaneous Human Combustion" based on the determination he suffers from a 'pre existing condition' according to a spokesman for the gaseous multi-billionaire on Gore's self promotional TV network, "Current."
Considered 'Mr. Global Warming" by his cult followers, and as a 'flaming arse hole' by doubters, Mr. Gore was moved to seek the unusually insurance coverage after last week's mysterious death of an Irish man who was found "burnt to a crisp' in his flat with only smoke damage reported to the ceiling, and slight charring on the floor boards in the living room where he was found inside a locked rolling suitcase.
After extensive forensic tests, the coroner employed by the state, said he could find no other cause of death to be other than "Spontaneous Human Combustion."
This phenomenon has not yet been accredited by the medical profession, although no other conclusion can be reached after similar occurrences have been recorded around the world in recent years.
In the sports world there's been Tiger Woods, in politics Gary Hart, Anthony Weiner, Gordon Brown and soon to be immolated characters Nick Clegg , Dave Milliband, and Barack O'Bama.
Scotland Yard says it's not yet ready to drop the case, citing information coming in that the still unnamed victim was an avid opponent of Global Warming.
Said Inspector Sean McDavit, "it's too soon to rule out murder as the cause. We are still looking into the case trying to figure out how he burned up inside a rolling suitcase which was left untouched by the intense heat...there could be some foul play involved!"
A spokesman for Gore said the former VP and failed Presidential candidate had been turned down by the firms of Lloyds, State Farm, Hartford, All State, John Hancock, and even Progressive due to his extreme flatulence medical history.
While Gore still commands speaking fees of over $100,000 per presentation, even his biggest supporters demand that he speak only in outdoor venues for insurance purposes.
"He 's the biggest natural disaster waiting to happen since the Hindenburg," said insurance
investigator Wally Higgenbotham speaking for the industry. "One of these days those idiots are going to light one candle too many in a vigil for Mother Earth whilst he's speaking and
they're going to blow their asses up....you heard it here first!"
President Obama, away from the White House for the next year as he stumps the country looking for support for health care reform and other take over projects, was quick to jump on Al's dilemma for his own political purposes.
"See, I tole y'all....without my Obamacare even Al Gore ain't safe...like I tole that do nothin' congress, it's time to get off their butts and PASS THIS BILL....natural gas is the ONLY way to go, and anyone who tells you different can blow it out their ARSE!"
White House spokesman Jay Blarney (sic) vehemently denied the President has any ties to a recently leaked plan to allow French company TOTAL SA, backed by George Soros, to begin natural gas exploration in Lake Michigan 2 miles off Lake Shore Drive in Chicago.
Rahm Emanuel was unavailable for comment.