Written by Big Stu
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Topics: Osama Bin Laden

Saturday, 24 September 2011

President Obama has today made his first full public briefing on the life of Osama Bin Laden prior to his execution by US forces earlier this year. Addressing the House of Representatives, members of the Senate Committee and a man in a pink gorilla suit and lilac bow-tie who is believed to be the executive director of the CIA, the president revealed how Bin Laden was traced through his work for a leading Pakistan newspaper.

From his small cave hide-out, Bin Laden had become a noted advice columnist and sex therapist, offering guidance on marital problems and known for his tips for the over sixty fives on how to improve orgasms.

Posing as an octogenarian from Kansas suffering from erectile dysfunction, US authorities traced Bin Laden to the compound in Pakistan where he was later found. It was also revealed that Bin Laden had become a noted impressionist and theatrical impresario, widely known in Kabul for impersonations of W.C Fields and several members of the Pointer Sisters. In his last years, Bin Laden also devoted himself to porcelain, to his Cocker Spanial called Dubya, and to his great love of folk songs and Irish recipies for which he was scheduled to appear in the November issue of Good Housekeeping.

These little known aspects of the search for Bin Laden, along with his recipe for quiche and the afternoon tea and the splendid fruitcake the SEAL team enjoyed on their arrival, have only just been made public. The SEAL team members were criticised for not capturing Bin Laden alive and for not wiping their feet on arrival.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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