In a somewhat disorderly evacuation from the Capital after Homeland Security maven Janet Napilatano declared Defcon 5 over falling Space 'Junk', the whereabouts of the President, his family, Joe Biden, and Harry Reid is currently listed by the White House as 'unknown.'
Bo, the family dog, has been reportedly turned over to animal control officers, and if the President doesn't return to claim him will be put up for adoption and eventual euthanasia
under the Obamacare mandate pertaining to 'selective' life decisions when evaluating the long terms costs for feeding, handling, and quality of life issues.
According to the White House, mother in law Marion Robinson urged the first family to
'haul ass' after a seance in the Rose Garden on a moonless night, and the 'rolling of the bones' warned her that the 'wrath of God be comin' to smite the False Prophet," confirming earlier reports from evangelist Pat Robinson and NY Rabbi Nathan Weinstein shortly after the President appeared at the UN and later had afternoon tea and $16 crumpets with Iran's President Ahmadinejad in central park.
Security officials refuse to say where the President and his top leaders have gone, except to say they won't be housed together in order to prevent a constitutional emergency should both Obama and Biden be struck with a falling Russian space toilet and have the shit smacked right out of them.
Third in line John Boehner, Speaker of the House, says he's not leaving anytime soon.
"I leave my fate, and the fate of the country in God's hands! If he truly supports
the Constitution, family values, and our conservative approach to governing, let him speak now!"
According to Federal Scientists, the chance of pieces of the 16,000 pound space junk, expected to break up into 300 pound chunks hitting anyone is 1 in 3200, better odds than Obama has in getting reelected, but shorter odds than anyone winning the Powerball lottery.
Las Vegas has yet to weigh in on the matter citing 'an unprecedented surge in on line betting concerning Obama taking the hit...we're trying talk China into taking a piece of action so we can lay off some of the risk which appears to be more emotional than based on the real odds of him getting hit...but you know bettors, they're always hopeful and think his number will come up!"
Napilatano said from her Virginia Bunker, "we're used to handling other peoples 'junk', but this is different, this is our own 'junk', built in the US by American Unions using Chinese parts, and because of that, there's no telling where this piece of burned out crap is going to hit...hopefully it'll be in some God forsaken part of Arizona, like Phoenix or even Tucson, God willing and the creeks don't rise from the expected Tsunami!"
Former 'abducted by aliens' congressman, Dennis Kucinich, said he wasn't surprised or scared. "Been there, done that, but don't say I didn't tell you so," he said from his tree house in Ohio where he was found texting with California Governor Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown and Shirley Maclaine over the unfolding events.
Producers at the Discovery Channel and National Geographic said there is a good chance Obama has relocated to the missing underwater city of Atlantis, located 1500 feet beneath the Dead Sea giving him enough 'cushion' to escape the results of any impact.
As for Biden, a spokesman for the DNC, Debbie Wasserman Schultz (DWS) said he has been tied to the roof of a cattle barn in Wayside New Jersey close to the Atlantic Shore in hopes he may act as 'some kind of lightning rod, or at least a polarizing magnet to save the Presidency!"
DWS said, "sometimes it's all about taking one for the team, and Joe's about the most dispensable player in the line up leading to 2012. Hope he comes through OK, but if not, Barry said he'd be 'tapping' me for the number two slot and we'd finally get to be together in that foxhole he talked about earlier this year!"