As technology advances, so does the ability to slaughter fellow humans in a more precise and prolific manner. From that first hominid, some 200 thousand or so years ago who decided to bash in his friend's head with a large rock, to nuclear weapons, unmanned drones, guided missiles and smart bombs that fill contemporary arsenals, we are ever on the lookout for novel and more effective ways to kill each other.
A Pentagon spokesperson, who agreed to speak on condition of anonymity, said that the U.S. military is set to upgrade its war fighting ability tangentially with a new weapon known as the Forced Air Rectal Transmission, or F.A.R.T.
Though most of the details surrounding FART remain shrouded in mystery, our anonymous source said that the new system weaponizes ordinary flatulence into lethal chemical vapors with a killing range of approximately 20 feet in diameter. Our confidential source refused to divulge any information about how soldiers who release the FARTs are protected. He did say, however, that these soldiers will not be adversely affected. "These are not suicide fart bombers."