EL PASO, Tx.--Seri, 3, is currently being held in custody for allegedly murdering Wzui, 6, her intended mate at the El Paso Zoo. Although autopsy results have not been released, sources believe Wzui died as a result of castration by forepaw.
According to Seri's full confession, she did so in a jealous rage. "Wzui was about to get it on with that old bitch, Melor, that disgusting bastard. Imagine: she's about 90 in people years!"
Zookeepers have confirmed that they'd witnessed a chemistry between Melor, 15, and Wzui.
Said assistant Gustav Gomez, "Melor's always kept herself in good shape. She really liked to wiggle her ass toward Wzui. Who wouldn't be at least a little interested?"
Seri was heard screaming and laughing by keepers and zoo patrons alike as she was restrained and pulled away, "Now he can't even get it on with the worms!"