A study sponsored by the Facially Unfortunate Commission (FUC) has found that ugly people can earn significantly less than their aesthetically pleasing colleagues. On average it is estimated that having a face like a badger's arse can cause someone to have a salary which is 15-20% lower.
Equality groups and FUC have suggested that new laws should be introduced, forcing companies to put a paper bag over all interviewees, in order to prevent any discrimination.
However, other studies have indicated that having a very annoying voice can have a similar effect on someone's salary. Campaign group Voice for the Unpleasantly Voiced have suggested that instead of using a paper bag, all job interviews should take place over a computer terminal, with the candidate in a separate room typing to the interviewers. In this way, it would not be possible to discriminate against any physical characteristics of the candidate.
Ugly rights campaigner Dick Face says that it would be best for society in general if everyone just stayed at home and never had to meet face to face. Thankfully, he says, the world is already becoming that way. Mr Face says that if everyone does this, then people will not be able to see how hideous he looks and he might stand a chance of getting a shag.