The eight Scottish police forces are to merge over the next year to save administration costs.
"This will allow us to save money," said stereotypical Scot and leader of the Scottish Parliament, Michael Moore. "Something all stereotypical Scots should embrace."
To further save money, organised crime in Scotland will also be merged in with the police force.
"There are four organised crime families in Scotland,"said Moore. "In some of the rougher neighbourhoods, these families do a better job of policing the streets than the police do. We figured that they could do a better job with more information. Plus, they have their own source of finance that will bolster the public purse."
The McCorleone's have embraced the new proposal.
"It's about time the government noticed what a sterling job we are doing," said Don McCorleone, head of the family. "In Glasgow the only crime is what I allow. Anybody who thinks that they can mug some old lady or do a spot of breaking an entering on my patch soon learns that I run a one chance system. You've got one chance to get out of Glasgow before I catch you and string you up by your balls."
"McCorleone's approach to justice is harsh," said Police Constable Payntin, who pounds the streets of Glasgow. "Effective though, and it saves the tax payer plenty of dosh in court bills."
Under the new scheme, more money will be raised in the areas where McCorleone is in charge, as ordinary citizens will be able to buy anti-crime insurance.
"We're introducing this new scheme," said Don McCorleone. "People who buy the insurance are guaranteed not suffer arson attacks, muggings, burglary and car jackings. Those that don't? Well, I can't possible give any guarantees of their safety. It's a privilege service after all."