Travellers living illegally on the Ugley Green caravan site in Essex have demanded £6million of taxpayers' money to leave.
The request was made by the gipsys' representative Paddy Pikey during a secret meeting with Ugley Green council leader Basil Don: "We were determined to get rid of those thieving bastards for good" said Basil Don's Human Resources manager Col Chester.
More than 400 travellers squatting illegally in 5 caravans on the site were told they would get their hands on the money once they had buggered off.
Council chiefs were so keen to end the 10 year stand-off that they were prepared to pay £6million pound in cash to Paddy Pikey: "Those crooked inbreds have been making life hell for local residents" claimed angry Public Relations Officer Harold Hill.
But after investigations carried out by Essex journalist Ben Fleet, it emerged that council officials had planned to convert the caravan site into a dogging venue for local residents: "It had been a popular dogging site for centuries before the diddycoys moved in" declared Ugley Green vicar Brent Wood.
But the deal fell through after the Government refused to fund the payment of £6million compensation from the council to the travellers: "The value of the pikey's land was nowhere near £6million and we already have several dogging sites in Ugley Green" said Essex MP Leon Sea.