London - The Queen's going absolutely bonkers at the release of state papers she thought she'd torched circa the Suez Crisis of '57.
"The plebs were never meant to know, Ma'am," bringer of ill tidings Lord Luce-Cannon whispered apologetically at today's hurriedly arranged breakfast audience.
"Too much iffy Scottish Nationalist blood in the British genome to avert likely mass hysteria when the horrible truth ...er contractual smallprint! - finally surfaces.
"Still, you could always abdicate."
News that only the sudden eruption of World War II saw the Coronation's primogeniture clause quietly shuffled away into a No 10 composting lavatory was not in itself much of a shock.
It's the existence of a secret document copy signed by the Fifty Ducal Families of the Realm of Albion (forerunner of today's Rotary Club) that's doing the royal nut in.
"The implications are admittedly extreme," Luce-Cannon added, somewhat sotto-voce.
"You must prepare for imminent eviction once the cops have cleared Dale Farm of pikeys. You and your brood are next on the bailiffs' to-do list."
The Minister for Rehoming of Iffy Bluebloods was unavailable for comment.