Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 5 September 2011

image for Nick Clegg's Freak Schools 'Open To Everybody'
Sod this for a lark, I'd be better of truanting!

London - A program allowing parents, special interest groups, charities etc to open their own training grounds for wackjob offspring should not discriminate against 'normal' minorities a Glib Dem report has said.

The controversial 'freak school' scheme was originally designed to cater for MPs' brats and other miscreants burdened with famous parents - er...congenital character flaws!

However, nutjob extremists like self-mortification specialists Opus Dei will now be barred from running their own academies along with other faith cartels with threadbare coffers.

These include Abu Hamza-esque Islamofascist beardies - whose flagship Finsbury Park madrassas were previously closed down for running too close to the edge of Tony Blair's Gnu Label Party.

And a highly suspect Quaker offshoot promoting 'self-fulfillment' by gorging on oats as the key to inner cleanliness of the human/sacred temple.

Moonies, Branch Davidians, wannabe born-again Knights Templar, assorted Raelians and followers of Warren Jeffs are also sidelined for the time being on aesthetic grounds.

The first of Clegg's specialist institutions to open is believed to be the Royal Freak Hospital School of MMR Scams whose visiting professor of epidemiology Mr Andrew Wakefield is the assigned Patron.

Download the 2011-12 Academic Prospectus right here.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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