The government has issued orders to all Ministers, to oppose any moves to change their long standing Libyan Health Policy proposals in today's vote. The road to parliamentary acceptance of the Coalitions controversial Libyan Reproductive Health proposals, has been a complete shit house of errors. According to one Whitehall insider.
You've Never Had It Like This
Initially instigated in January 1959 by The Right Honourable Harold Macmillan, under the title Partition or Perdition. The Policy proposal was presented before the house in an attempt to readdress failing British interests in the former colonies. It met with almost universal condemnation in the house. Due to the influx of communist, black market contraceptives into the country. Enabling the population at large to privately extend their ethnic range of potential sexual partners. While still retaining their publicly acceptable, bigoted bullshit views on race, religion, and international affairs.
Standing Firm, Soap In Hand
The Libyan Health proposals are the latest incarnation of the famous Enoch Powell, Blooded Hoods In The River Initiatives of the early 70's. Instigated by The Honorable Powell after he had broken his whip hand, on one of his three illegitimate west Indian sons. Meeting with mass popular approval, the initiative was quickly murdered on the vine. Due to the surprise release of the classic gay, blaxsploitation film Touch Those Toes White Boy. A film The Honorable Powell, produced, directed, and took a defining role in as Fluffy Tim Cockpercher, the unsuspecting shower attendant.
At the core of the proposed changes are the introduction of private contractors into the field of abortion clinic counselling. Currently the joint NATO/UN sanctioned abortion clinics, carry out much needed work in countries deemed Potentially Actualized Terrorist States. Providing light refreshments for network reporters, directions to elementary triage, and a wide variety of sexual health programs.
The One Who Smelt It Dealt It
The Jungian Voodoo Herpes Sect first applied for a license to practice in a number of war torn areas 2 months ago. Setting off alarm bells at the Foreign Office, who were still in the pre-vote blackmail and bribery stage of parliamentary proceedings. Fearing an unregulated feeding frenzy of applications, the Foreign Office had no other alternative than to instigate a total band on all applications until further notice. This obviously upset the Brunswick Methodist Stem Cell Research and Councillors Association. Who had been patiently waiting for the go ahead, and were looking forward to toting up some much needed air miles.
Guarded Reactions All Round
A Parliamentary insider has stated that the attempted reshaping of the proposals so close to a vote. Is nothing more than a cynical attempt, by the Government to inject uncertainty into an almost completed process. Thus presenting the illusion of choice to the electorate.
The Heaven Gate Survivors committee has issued a statement saying,
Just because we only exist on paper, doesn't mean we should be excluded from project tendering.
Conservative M.P Maldive Ribbentrop, M.P for Barnsley South's Unregistered Untermenschen. Has publicly opposed governmental attempts to restrict voting freedom on this issue. Stating,
This is a defining moment for the E.D.L.
UN Secretary for African affairs, Hans Trimbit'Blix and Bumps A'daisy supported the Jungian Voodoo Herpes Sect application, during a dinner engagement by saying,
If we can do the same job with less bullets, all the better.
The Jones town Massacre Survivors Association, famous for providing past life regression, and Irritable Bowl advice on line. Have ceased all work on their long awaited Tripoli Masseuse Feasibility Study. In reaction to the Foreign Offices' application embargo.