Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Topics: Glasgow

Friday, 2 September 2011

image for Glasgow man ate 10% of the world's "rare earths"
Fat Boab goes to hospital

A man in Glasgow is in hospital after it is estimated he has eaten up to 10% of the world's rare earth metals. Rare earths are metallic elements which are common but relatively hard to extract, and are valuable because they are used extensively by the electronics industry.

China currently controls most of the world's supply, and is said to be hoarding them to raise the price. The Glasgow man, known only as Fat Boab, is wanted for questioning by the US government, who think that his lower colon could provide an alternative source of rare earths which would be significantly cheaper than the Chinese.

How Fat Boab came to eat the metals is something of a mystery, largely because of his indecipherable thick Glaswegian accent. He said, "Ah hurd they hud yon microchips, 'n' ah allus like the chips, cannae get enough o' them. So I bought 'em aff a guy, he hud these chips, so I deep-fried them, ye ken, make 'em taste better. Aye, it was fucking ace wi' a bit o' sauce an' a can o' Irn Bru."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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