Written by Deafo
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Thursday, 1 September 2011

Tottenham sold striker Peter Crouch to Stoke City having realized his departure would reduce the insurance premiums associated with White Hart Lane's 'row z' sufficiently to free up the funds to sign Scott Parker from West Ham, according to Harry Redknapp.

The Spurs manager claimed he was unaware of the additional burden a misfiring forward placed on a club's bottom line, until perusing the finer details of their accounts.

He told reporters from the front seat of his Land Rover, 'You know, I love Crouchy.'

'At least I did, until I realized how much it was costing the club to not only subsidise his compulsion to blaze shots expansively over the bar from all of 3 yards out in a football sense, but even more so from an insurance perspective.'

'You would have thought right behind the goals would be the most dangerous place to be in a football stadium, and generally a club's insurance premiums reflect that.'

'But Peter really bucked the trend in that regard, I was astonished to see how our costs escalated just as rapidly as the average height of squad did on the day he signed for us.'

'Lets just say, he's gone now.'

'And in comes Scotty Parker in what is effectively a free-transfer.'

'I shudder to think what Villa have to pay for the boy Heskey.'

Tony Pulis refuted claims Stoke City would now be the one's paying over-the-odds for the Premiership marksman's wayward shot-making.

'That may be a problem where you have all those soft southern chaps submitting insurance claims for getting whacked in the face with an errant shot or two.'

'Our 'row z' fans will just be delighted to have something other than a Rory De Lap throw in to look out for.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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