Scattered Pictures...it appears that some The Spoof writers are yearning for a return to the good old days, and fear that they may have been swallowed up by the tides of progress. It seems that amid a massive groundswell of uncertainty regarding their own literary ability, many have jumped ship, having discovered that pseudo kiddie-fiddling stories, and penis/vagina yarns just don't cut the mustard any more.
One writer, who cannot be named, related that if people want to read badly written stories about Justin Bieber having a ham-shank in a beach hut, they can't see that sort of thing on The Spoof any more.
"And that's just wrong," the writer bitched. "It used to take me ages to hone those carefully crafted stories, using every device at my disposal, caps, block letters, italics, exclamation marks, links, and frequent use of anatomical terms. But it still didn't get me to that Number One slot. It's a sin and a shame that people don't register on websites like The Spoof, when everybody knows that my daily readership exceeds two million. I know, because my friends on Farcebook have told me. How many views do I get on The Spoof? Three. Somebody's cooking the books somewhere. There's no other explanation. Why wouldn't people want to know about ME!? It can't possibly be that my writing is absolutely vindictive and childish shit. I blame that Martin Littlecock, me. Deserved all them one stars he did. And that fucking Bolivian."
Another former Spoof scribe complained that racism, homophobia, xenophobia, stanism, (reverence of the false God, Stan) hydrophobia, triskeidekophobia, closet homosexuality (gayness) and neo-nazi tendencies had done no harm to his/her early Spoof career, but regretted that they had to move on, in order to spread the word to a much smaller audience.
As The Spoof's author stable rapidly diminishes, one writer complained that it wasn't really their fault and that they really wanted to be friends, but there's not a great deal you can do when your wife wears the trousers in the house.
One former Spoof writer was too busy punching his current girlfriend in the face to comment. Another was too busy packing pairs of soiled underwear to internet website subscribers.
Wonkey Moods, a one time Spoof stalwart, renowned for his down to earth views, reportedly said:
"I'm glad they've all fucked off. They were doing my head in. Too old. Past it. Too set in their ways. Crap writers too when it comes to attention to detail. Most of them couldn't string a proper sentence together, and could barely spell for shut. Good riddance I say."
Part time Spoof contributor, Martin Shuttlecock, opined:
"I'm all for peace and quiet me. But I must admit that the level of venom directed towards people who generally follow the rules has been a bit unprecedented. But I don't really give a fuck. All you have to do is follow the rules. And occasionally, if someone comes up with a reasonably well thought out idea, designed to benefit all - don't dismiss it out of hand because you're too selfish to see beyond your own ambition. And by the way - I wish I did have the world's largest penis... But then I probably wouldn't know what to do with it anyway."
Long suffering wife, Anne, added:
"He really is a daft bastard. But sometimes. incredibly, he seems to know what he's talking about. If you read between the lines. Will somebody text me if they can work it out? Because I'll be fucked if I can...And not with the man with the world's largest penis. That's for sure. They don't call him Littlecock for nothing."
Erm...more as we get it...