London. (Spoof International News) Prince Charles' office has announced that the Prince is seriously considering taking a new name when he finally becomes King. It had been assumed that he would take the name 'Charles III'. The Prince's full name is Charles Phillip Arthur George.
A spokesman for the Prince, speaking from his office at Clarence House, made a statement in an attempt to quell false rumors. "The Prince feels that there are negative associations with each of his 4 names, and so he has been searching through names of prior Kings in order to find something more appropriate.
"For example, 'Charles' can easily be associated with Charles I, who was unceremoniously beheaded at the Tower in 1649. Charles II was his son, and was known throughout the kingdom as a wanton philanderer. Our present Prince does not like that association at all.
"'Philip' is, of course, the name of the Prince's father. He doesn't care to use that one either.
"'Arthur' seems to the Prince like a milque-toast, flacid, 'yes dear I'll do anything you want' kind of name. He abhors it.
"'George' is just too common for the Prince. King George III lost the American colonies, after all, and is generally regarded in the family as a loser. The Prince's grandfather, and his great-grandfather before him, went by that name. To the Prince, the name ‘George' seems very...well...20th century. The Prince feels that he needs something that has not been commonly used, but at the same time speaks of the glory of the ancient line of the Kings of England.
"Charles has spent many an hour in his study reading page after page on the history of English Kings, and has gone back over a thousand years to find a name that he feels will in no way be associated with any of the ‘modern' Kings.
"Right now the Prince is considering ‘Egbert', who was King from 802 through 839; ‘Aethelbald', who was King from 855-860, and finally ‘Eadwig" who was King from 955 through 959.
"He is also considering ‘Hedwig' which, I understand, is from a film that the Prince saw some time ago. Personally I think it's the odds-on favorite."