Written by Ellis Ian Fields
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

image for Leominster Men Latest Victims Of John Wayne-Induced Happy Slaps
As in Selby, they like their cats in Leominster too. Meet Pips.

Leominster is the latest sleepy provincial market town to be hit by a spate of John Wayne-induced happy slap attacks.

The outbreak of about 60 incidents last night followed two earlier attacks by wives in Selby, North Yorkshire. They attacked their husbands who were watching the Howard Hawks movies Rio Bravo and Rio Lobo on the TCM channel.

Just a month earlier, another Selby woman had happy-slapped her husband who was watching El Dorado, another Hawks/Wayne collaboration.

Last night's attacks appear to have taken place as TCM continued its John Wayne Day with the movies Big Jake and McQ.

Though it was earlier suggested that the attacks were triggered by subliminal messages in the films, one of the wives denied it.

Mrs Linda Pillbox was arrested after she attacked her husband Crompton. By the time she emerged from the police station, hundreds of cheering women had gathered outside.

She said: "Subliminal message? Load of rubbish!

"I'll tell you what set it off: effing - and that's swearing - effing John effing Wayne, that's what.

"Bank Holiday Monday and the lazy effing bee sat their watching effing John Wayne all day! I was proper livid, I was.

"So I got Maureen from next door to bring her camera to film it and I gave him a right twatting! And I told him he could get his own effing - and that's swearing - dinner."

A police spokesman said they had no idea why Leominster should suffer the outbreak.

"Don't ask me, mate. I only work here," he said.

Make Ellis Ian Fields's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 plus 5?

1 8 19 3

Go to top