Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Tuesday, 30 August 2011

image for Worthing Voted World's Most Liveable City
Worthing seafront, just to the left of the pier

Whilst you may never have thought of Worthing as a 'city', an international panel of Pikey travellers has decided otherwise. In a recent liveability survey, carried out by the Pikey Ford Transit Van Club of Europe and The Americas, the former West Sussex seaside resort town has been voted the world's most liveable city.

Much to the surprise of most of the developed world, Worthing has beaten Melbourne, Vienna, Vancouver, Toronto, Sydney, Perth, Slough and Hackney in the biannual rankings.

A spokesman from the Pikey Ford Transit Van Club, Dave If-It's-Not-Bolted-Down-Nick-It, told us "This may surprise many, but Worthing has shitloads going for it. Vienna may well have the Lippizaner horses, but who needs a fucking horse these days when you've got a Transit van? Melbourne has got the MCG, which is just a huge fucking lawn. As for Toronto and Vancouver, where the fuck are they? Sydney and Perth are full of convicts and the Luftwaffe simply didn't do enough damage to Slough. Where else can you swim in the sea all year round? We pump so much raw sewage into the sea, it maintains a constant 23 degrees".

Pikey Dave went on to tell us, "Where else can you be surrounded by cemeteries and crematoria? The other bonus to Worthing is that the population is too fucking old to commit any crimes. Hence, our most heinous crime is the serving of the odd dodgy kebab, served by some bloke from the Middle East, by way of Manchester".

Further to the liveability survey results, we understand that UNESCO are considering making Worthing a World Heritage Site and twinning it with Phuket.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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