Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Sunday, 28 August 2011

image for A Dog's Dinner 'Fit For A Queen'
Queen said to have been barking mad!

It seems now that a recent mix-up by kitchen staff at Buckingham Palace did not lead to The Queen feeding her beloved corgis Linnet, Monty, Willow, and Holly, reheated food as is still being reported by several British mainstream newspapers.

According to a reliable source inside Buckingham Palace it was not reheated food she was given to feed to her corgis, it was prime beef steak.

It seems that for several months the corgis have been given only tinned dog food to eat following a remark from Prince William to his grandmother during his wedding reception that it would be more appropriate to feed the corgis with tinned dog food instead of best steak given the austerity measures the British public were having to endure.

The Queen's anger did not arise simply from the mistake of giving her steak to feed to her dogs. My source says she only became barking mad when she realised the tinned dog meat meant for her corgis had instead been served as dinner to both herself and Prince Philip earlier that evening.

My source explains, "The mistake wasn't noticed at the time because Philip had suggested to Elizabeth that they 'give the chef's extra mild beef curry a try'. They'd never tried it before so didn't think there was anything wrong with it when they came to eat it and found it to be a bit bony. Also, the young servants working there who brought the meal to them were new having only recently arrived there from a Job Centre in Tottenham to get a few weeks work experience, so they understandably just assumed it was some sort of posh nosh the likes of which they'd never been given for dinner by their mums."

After eating their meal it seems Prince Philip did remark to Her Majesty that he'd found chef's curry rather too mild for his palate, but both of them seemed to have thoroughly enjoyed the meal, and had simply swallowed down each bony mouthful with the help of a little claret.

My source says one of the work training young servants on duty that evening told him she'd overheard Her Majesty telling Philip off for licking his plate clean, saying he should be setting an example to the young people working there from the Job Centre by wiping clean his plate with a slice of the wholemeal bread. The young lady told my source Her Majesty then took a slice of the bread and began to rub it around her own plate saying across the table to Philip 'like so'.

Nutritionists have assured Her Majesty that the top quality tinned dog food they were served and ate that evening will not have caused them any harm.

There is concern from the government that this could lead to the general public turning to tinned dog meat to eat as a cheap source of food during these difficult times. A government spokesperson warns,

"Many of the cheaper brands of tinned dog food do contain lots of tiny bones. A dog's throat is quite tough so they do not cause any harm when they swallow them, but for the human throat swallowing the bones could cause a few scratches. We are therefore advising anyone deciding to eat the tinned dog food to choose the better quality brands as they tend to contain less bone, and to ensure that when eating the dog food they help each swallow down the throat with a little water."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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