Kent - Suspicious devices including a 'fake' crozier, plastic mitre and draylon liturgical vestments were found on a railway line in the Old Dover Road area around teatime yesterday.
Police said all the clues pointed to the return of the bogus Archbishop of Canterbury, a dastardly Dildo Baggins-esque character notorious for his love of ecclesiastical costume and blatant refusal to shave his gob.
Earlier in the day bizarre activity at Kent Cricket Ground saw the Bomb Squad cordon off the area and detonate a suspect package.
Subsequently identified as an 'abdo guard' cricketer's box emblazoned with Lambeth Palace's coat of arms the device 'could have held as much as half a ounce of Semtex'.
"OK, someone's taking the piss," the county's chief constable said today, "probably why they dumped the jockstrap under the bushes."
Countless official investigations had failed to nail the culprit behind the Archbishop of Canterbury hoax since its inception in early 2003, the commander admitted.
The investigation continues throughout the Bank Holiday weekend.