Written by Kate_UK
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Topics: Winter, Commuters

Friday, 26 August 2011

Commuters on the popular Ninky-nonk line are today facing a winter of discontent, as the line is suspended for several weeks over safety concerns. A spokesman described the problem as "spacial instability" and said the closure may well become permanent.

"It's the worst case of spacial instability we've ever seen" he said "One minute it's big enough to carry the tombliboos, the next it's so small that the tombliboos could pick it up in one hand. Imagine if it changed size while someone was inside. It'd be a Health and Safety nightmare. The paperwork would take weeks. It's more than my job's worth to open that line again."

One family - the 10-strong Pontipines - were such regular users of the line that they had their own personal carriage, decorated to match their house. Today, they expressed their outrage at the closure and the inconvenience it would cause them. "Mi mi mi mi mi" said Mr Pontipine. "Mi mi mi mi mi" said Mrs Pontipine.

Their solicitor explained their concerns - "As the Pontipine family are considerably smaller than the other local residents, it is far more difficult for them to move around the garden without assistance. When they tried this once, the children ended up falling asleep in Upsy Daisy's bed as they were so exhausted. And I think we all know how that ended. Basically, the removal of their transport system puts them at a considerable disadvantage and they see it as discrimination against the vertically challenged."

The Ninky-nonk spokesman attempted to defend the company's decision against these claims of discrimination. "It's OK for the Pontipones" he said "They're only small. And even when there's ten of them, they're hardly there at all. So if the Ninky-nonk shrank around them, it wouldn't really matter. What I'm talking about is the effect it would have on your bigger creature - your Macca Pacca or even - heaven forbid - your Haa Hoo. Imagine the carnage."

The dispute rages on but one thing is certain - it will be again be a tough winter for commuters. And that's even before you consider the potential damage that blossom on the line could cause. Passengers are being advised to avoid unnecessary trips and to work from home where possible. Isn't that a pip?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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