Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Aliens

Thursday, 25 August 2011

image for "Kill All Aliens On Sight If You Want To Survive The Space Alien Vampire Holocaust" - Warns Professor Fred Quatermass
"Fuck Off! I'm Not An Alien! I'm A Goldfish! - Silly Bastard!"

Controversial academic, Professor Fred Quatermass, has yet again sparked fury at NASA, the North Aberdeen Space Association, following his suggestion after watching John Carpenter's sci-fi movie, The Thing, on ITV 4, that all alien space vampires ought to be killed on sight.

Quatermass, who in the past has cited Hollywood movies such as War Of The Worlds, Alien, Predator, Independence Day and Mars Attacks as a damned good reason to kill all aliens as a matter of course, is adamant that his thinking, and not NASA's is the only way humanity will survive an alien visitation.

"Kill the bastards on sight," he urged.

NASA spokesperson, Edith McGonnegal told Skoob News:

"He's nuts. He doesn't do research - he just watches horror movies all the time. He's as mad as a bucket of ball bearings."

Professor Quatermass responded by saying that although it is true that he does indeed watch an awful lot of creature features on his flat screen plasma TV, that isn't what his logic is based on.

"It's just common sense," he insisted. "If some alien species takes the time and trouble to come to Earth, then it strikes me as pretty bleedin' obvious that they're only here to rip us off for all they can get. Otherwise, why would they do shape shifting? Why would they have force shields for protection? And ray guns? What's that all about, if they aren't looking for trouble? NASA talk shite. End of. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when that McGonnegal woman finds some alien replicating pods in her double garage, like what they had in Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. Or finds her house surrounded by space vampires like Charlton Heston in The Omega Man. Then we'll see who's a fucking fruit loop. Silly bitch."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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