Written by Joe Leff
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Topics: Farmers, Grassington

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

There was a near miss for Grassington last Sunday when a massive tractor pulling a 'really wide' load up Main Street failed to squeeze through the gap between the Foresters' Arms pub and the Dales Bookshop.

The load consisted of a huge tank of churning milk (which could have supplied most of Yorkshire with butter). After several hours trying to negotiate the gap, the driver gave up, despite lots of advice from some of the slimmer residents nearby to use the butter to 'ease the squeeze'.

"I can't," said the driver, "every ounce has to be accounted for. Even the sweat on my brow has to be used in our special yoghurt recipes."

B&B guests in street-side upstairs rooms thought it was early night-time and some of them went to bed. "But we couldn't get to sleep for all the noise and commotion," complained Wilbert Frimm. "The landlord said it's a regular happening in Grassington. Maybe it helps to liven up such a quiet street," said Mr Frimm, a visitor from central Leeds.

Photographers and officials with tape measures were on hand to witness this latest attempt on the WLTNGMS record (Widest Load Through the Narrowest Gap in a Main Street). A spokesman for Dales Farm said they would keep on trying for the record, and will arrange extra training sessions during the night when any accidental damage is likely to be less visible.

One obese pedestrian nearly suffered an injury, but she was trying to slim anyway, and "was glad of the opportunity to really pull my tummy in."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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