Worthing lifeguard, Eric Clutterbuck, 76, was astonished to see a great white shark basking in the shallows of the English Channel, just off the coast of Worthing.
"I wasn't sure at first," he told reporters. "I had to go and fetch me specs from me jacket pocket. Once I'd put me specs on I knew for sure it wuz a great white. You could tell by the dorsal fing. So I raised the alarm an' that innit, bruv."
Utter panic ensued in Worthing, which has recently become a battleground for warring OAP factions, and an alternative destination for sex starved MILF's who can't afford the air fare to Benidorm.
Hundreds of people in various stages of undress and arousal, were evacuated from the beach, and from various skips behind kebab shops, as Health And Safety executives declared a state of panic.
It swiftly became clear that Worthing was ill equipped to deal with a situation such as this. The last time a great white shark having swum up the English Channel (Or La Manche, as the Fr...ench call it) being 132 years ago when match inventor, Captain Webb, kicked one in the snout as he backstroked from Dover to Calais.
Anyway, it was mayhem of some description and you can take Skoob News's word on that. There were people in various stages of undress legging it in all directions. It was odd, to say the least. If not weird.
Eric Clutterbuck later admitted that he may have been mistaken about the great white shark, claiming that his vision may have been distorted after wiping his spectacles with greasy fingers after chowing down on a doner kebab from Ali Bullo's van.
"I'm seventy six you know," he told reporters. "What time is it?"
More as we get it.