South coast kebab and burger entrepreneur Ali Bullo has blamed the recent unrest in Worthing on crap burgers and kebabs.
Ali Bullo explained that, being elderly mobility scooter riders and decadent MILF's, most of the troublemakers couldn't handle cheap fast food, and that it provoked a violent response in the brain's pre-frontal lobe.
"Them just eat crap food and go mad for jiggy-jiggy innit," he said.
The hitherto sleepy seaside town of Worthing has recently become embroiled in a tangle of sex scandals, after it was invaded by mobility scooter riding east end outlaw hooligans, and MILF's of all persuasions.
One report cited the town as 'shaking like a shitting dog' as a consequence of frenzied sexual couplings in bedrooms, pub car parks, and up against skips behind kebab shops.
Worthing is a town plagued by chaos and crisis.
And Ali Bullo confidently attributed the problem to crap burgers and kebabs.
"Too many cowboys selling burger and kebab," he explained. "Them a bit shit really innit. Wot it is mate, right, them people selling mad cow disease burger, and scrapie sheep kebab - them cheating public innit. People should no eat crap burger and kebab. It rot brain, and is no very good when brain no too big to begin with. People should stop eating crap burger and kebab - special if them drink plenty beer as well - it make them bladdy mental and that innit. Mad for bonk and the fighting. If people want be civilianised, them should only ever have burger and kebab from Ali Bullo shop and van. Anything else is just ricky-doodalous, and just asking for trouble with the bonking MILF's and the mobility mob innit. No wonder town shake like shitting dog after dark."
At which point, one reporter challenged Ali Bullo's statement, alleging that Ali Bullo was merely taking advantage of a bad situation in order to promote his own fast food outlets?
"Ignore. Him talk shit," Ali Bullo growled. "Him probably bastard who sell cheap burger and kebab. Him big prick innit. Bastard. Wankpot."
More as all hell breaks out in Worthing.