Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Sex, Fish, Worthing, MILF

Saturday, 20 August 2011

image for Pensioners, Hooligans, MILF's, Viagra, A Strong Whiff Of Fish - Welcome To Worthing
BJ Spit And BJ Swallow Out Of The Bonkettes Strolling Down Worthing Beach

There's something fishy going on in the south coast resort town of Worthing. It can be scented, as it wafts on warm summer breezes.

It smells like fish, but it isn't fish - it's the odour of enthusiastic, verging on manic - sexual activity.

And the locals are hopping mad.

Most of the blame appears to be apportioned towards hooligan pensioner groups on customised mobility scooters, down from the Smoke for a tear up, and an influx of money hungry MILFs with voracious appetites.

"It's a bloody disgrace, and I wish they'd all piss orf," local man Peter J Cook told a TV news crew. "These bleedin' pensioners on their fancy mobility scooters, wiv loads o' mirrors and stuff, and their bleedin' viagra. I blames them I does. Then we got the MILF's wiv their blinkin' thongs and their cleavages paradin' abaht 'alf dressed. At it like bleedin' rabbits they are. The whole town shakes like a shittin' dog come nightfall, and we ain't bleedin' 'avin it!"

The Office Of National Statistics revealed that native Worthing pensioners only usually indulge in sexual activity when the quarterly electricity bill comes in, and that they are feeling totally overwhelmed by the bonking mad proclivities of the newcomers.

"This is well out of order," proclaimed gay Mayoral candidate, Wayne Dainty. "They're all sex mad! It's a disgrace is wot it is. The entire bleedin' town smells of halibut. Then you have the gangs...I don't know where it will all end, but it can't go on like this. The sooner they all pisses orf 'ome the better. We had a plan to compete with Brighton as the gay capital of the UK, but this mob right put the mockers on that. The last thing we want is for Worthing to be branded as Britain's Bangkok. And anyway, even as a gay man - I only get relations once a quarter. When the leccy bill comes in. These people are a disgrace."

Visiting MILF, Sandy Bagg, 36, of Lewisham countered local opposition by saying:

"We come dahn here for action. And we're 'avin' it large. We've breathed life into a cemetery. Why, only the other day there was a viagra addict in a local supermarket having his marrow examined by a short sighted shop assistant - you couldn't make this up!"

You could.

And somebody probably did.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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