Written by Bob Namataki
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Thursday, 18 August 2011

image for Rioting Spreads to Scotland
Officers attempt to kettle the 'Brangelinas'

In scenes reminiscent of recent events in Tottenham, parts of Glasgow have now become no-go areas. Today, ordinary people trying to enter George Square are being stopped by police in an attempt to maintain order.

Many of the shops, cafés and businesses in the area are gone. Overnight. A local man said, "It's like a movie. It doesn't seem real. I never thought this would happen here."

The rumour is that a gang, known to be active in the city in recent days and calling themselves 'The Brangelinas', has taken over and is responsible for much of the chaos.

Controversial British historian David Starkey had this to say: "When we look at events in George Square today, so many of us have this sense of literally being in a foreign country. A feeble little country. Maybe that is why the Scots have become American. A sort of nihilistic Hollywood culture has become the fashion, with its own patois and rules. The government needs to understand those rules - particularly the seventh one, which states that riots will go on as long as they have to."

Alex Salmond issued a statement in the last hour: "We're doing all we can," it says, "but to be honest it's the Pitts (sic)."

Ed Milliband and David Cameron could be reached for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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