Following the recent popularisation of the sleepy Sussex seaside town of Worthing, which has recently been overrun with mobility scooter 'Hell's Angels' riders and zimmer frame hooligans, local kebab and burger van entrepreneur, Ali Bullo, has added his own somewhat inconsiderable weight to the burgeoning controversy.
Ali Bullo - 9 stone three (126lbs) wet through, told Skoob News:
"Worthing is good. We have the pensioners giving it the basmati, and sometimes him can get chaotic. Police complain about sex and drugs, rock and roll, and rilly hot chilli sauce on kebab. But it bladdy MILFS what challenge now."
Technically speaking, a MILF is a lady of a certain age, who more than retains her capacity for sexual attraction. The actual definition is too explicit for publication here, on a family orientated website, but basically it means 'Mum's I'd Like To F*ck.'
And they're apparently flocking to Worthing in droves, hoping to tempt viagra fuelled rich superstuds away from their leathery skinned partners, with one beady eye on the wallet, and the other on the insurance policies.
"Is wrong," Ali Bullo declared. "Them come out in skimpy top and thong, then parade round promenade - old men having heart attack. Them just look for aged riot man on mobility scooter for jiggy-jiggy and them look no further than wallet and life insurance. Them MILFS is nasty mate. Trust me. Them no want old man. Them want old man wallet. Them well sexy though, but really they want young man. Me have two of them last night up against skip out back of kebab shop. Them hot! Me tell you truth! No rilly hot for old man though. Me nephew, Fuggit, him have four against skip behind kebab shop. Mind you, him younger than me. Him have stamina. An ting. Him so vigorous, him make me think about viagra and mobility scooter. Me take serious. Honest."
A spokesperson for charitable foundation 'F*ck The Aged Rigid - And To Hell With The Arthritis!' told Skoob News:
"I don't really mind MILFS - they're the best kind of fun you can have down a back alley, or up against a skip, or bent over the bonnet of a Renault Cleo, or in the bogs of a nightclub - but they're creating fucking havoc in Worthing. Especially the ones with firm tits. There's more upstanding ancient erections here in Worthing right now than ever there was in the Himalayas."
Skoob News is in shock.
More as we get it.