London - A DNA lab specialising in identifying the bastard offspring of Global Piss Process luminaries is working flat out this weekend.
Reports that fabled former New York police chief Bill Bratton has been parachuted in to help David Cameron 'tackle some tricky paternity issues' in the UK have, of course, been rubbished by No 10.
But the PM's obsession in appointing former 'supercop' Bill Bratton as his Special Riot Adviser has been ridiculed by the country's top police officers.
"He's orf his rocker," a former ACPO CEO told reporters today, "probably just using this Yank to pass messages to the FBI Special Contact Unit that supervises PR for all US presidential bastards worldwide."
The Unit was extremely busy during the Reagan/Bush1 era helping whitewash birth, marriage and death records around the world connected to VIPs' wrong-side-of-the-blanket spawn.
"Still, they couldn't totally wipe the slate clean about Thatcher and Ronnie Raygun being responsible for Mitt Romney, eh?" the ex-APCO source chuckled.
During the Clinton/Gore years a number of presidential bastards slipped the net - including one that recently completed the heist-of-the-century by marrying into the British royal family.
Then during the Bush2/Cheney years the shit really hit the fan as 'Uncle Tony' ensured all trace of DNA connections to Dubya in UK registeries were hurriedly wiped off the face of the earth.
"Makes you wonder just how many other Obama brats are befouling the streets of Albion, heheheh!"