Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Friday, 12 August 2011

image for Prince Charles To Have Ear Operation!
Camilla will have to acquire a taste for nibbling rubber ears!

It was announced yesterday from Clarence House that HRH Charles, The Prince of Wales is to enter the private St.Twinkle's Hospital in London's Park Lane early next month to have an operation to remove his ears. Following there removal from his head he will then have replacement ears fitted made of rubber.

The new rubber ears, being produced for Charles in China, will be much smaller than the ears he has now, and so will be more appropriate for him given the relatively small size of his head.

"He should at least look quite normal to other people after being fitted with the Chinese rubber replacements" explained a spokesperson for Clarence House.

However, it is understood that the main reason for the operation is not cosmetic. It is no secret that for years Charles has believed trees and flowers communicate with him. Until recently it was assumed this was little more than his belief that the plants simply respond by growing more healthy when those tending to them treat them with some loving care, and don't keep forgetting to water them. Camilla, The Duchess of Cornwall, assumed the same until recently when she came to realise it goes far beyond that.

It seems Charles literally believes the plants use a form of audible language when they speak to him. Camilla was naturally concerned. She went to see The Queen straight away to seek her advice.

The Queen, herself worried about what she was being told, then summoned royal doctors to get some professional advice. They suggested that for the time being Camilla simply observe her husband when he'd be out tending to his plants in their gardens so that she might get a better idea as to just how serious the problem had become. It was while doing this that Camilla then came to notice how Charles would only be in conversation with the flowers when he was leaning down with his ears very close to them.

When she came to mention this to the royal doctors they immediately realised what had been causing the problem all along. It was simply that every time Charles leaned down to the flowers to listen to what they wanted to say to him, the bottom of one of his ears would then come into contact with the flowers. Because Charles was not absolutely still the bottom of his ear would then continuously flap against a leaf or petal of the plant producing a very small amount of vibration. Charles it seems has convinced himself these vibratory sounds he's been hearing are a form of language spoken by flowers.

The royal doctors have of course since explained this to Charles, but he remains unconvinced. Under pressure from Camilla he has though reluctantly agreed to have the operation, but only because he thinks it will prove him right and the doctors wrong. He believes he'll still be able to hear the flowers talking to him when he has the smaller rubber ears.

"We have decided to explain the situation to the public because we want to ask them not to laugh at Charles when he comes to face the public wearing his new rubber ears," explained the Clarence House spokesperson. "He is obviously going to feel embarrassed about having believed such a silly thing for so many years, and it will obviously take him a little time to come to terms with the fact that he's made himself to look a bit of a Charlie."

The spokesperson added, "Children can be cruel. We know there is bound to be some playground fun poked at Prince Charles about this. That's to be expected of course. But we will also be expecting parents to make sure their children leave such comments in the playground. And of course we feel it should be pointed out to parents that the police do now have permission to shoot misbehaving children."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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