Written by David St.John
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Friday, 12 August 2011

image for We'll get Riot into it!

The Daily Hate newspaper went into meltdown today covering the trials of the people involved in the recent rioting across English cities and towns.

"We've never had it so good!" exclaimed Hate Mail journo Scumbag Melcher "Every thing our readers fear is here, the breakdown of law and order, middle class kids going wild , teenagers in hoods and tracksuits from council estates all causing fear to the good honest citizens of our beloved country, house prices falling ... Ooh it's too amazing!"

When asked about the personal cost to people directly involved in the problems Melcher added, "Of course it's a shame, but just think of the extra copy we'll sell by saying we were right all along, if only there hadn't been such a show of racial harmony in Birmingham yesterday and they'd 'ave gone off too, we could have blamed it on the immigrants as well."

When asked for a comment Daily Hate columnist John Littledick said " They're all scum just look at the hard working eastern European immigrants that come here and get jobs , which should go to hard working Brits (he added), they knuckle down and get on with it they don't lie about all day listening to gansta rap smoking illicit substances..." He then descended into vile material we'd rather not print.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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