Written by Mark MacDonald
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Topics: London Riots

Thursday, 11 August 2011

Prime Minister David Cameron praises the bravery of Police Officers who helped protected besieged members of staff at Hackney Job Centre.

"Words can not themselves express the feeling of gratitude I have for these brave officers who kept the Hackney Job Centre open at the time of crisis."

It appears that some of the disaffected rioters decided to stop looting and breaking up their own neighbourhoods and try and get to the job centre to apply for a job.

"Well after I torched Greggs I decided that I didn't want to ruin my life and I wanted to make something of myself. Something spiritual happened when I looked into that burning mess of pastries and scotch pies. I just want to make my mum and one of my dads proud" said Harper Brixton Eight.

Staff had to close the doors as thousands of reformed rioters tried to sign on for a job.

"I have worked here for 20 years." Said Bianca Jones. "In my long years of service I managed to get two people a job. One as an apprentice plumber and one as a kennel cleaner at Battersea dog home. I haven't seen this kind of rush for a job since I done some moonlighting with the XFactor screening team"

An innocent by passer was in the job centre looking for a job when a petrol bomb wielding thug burst in. "I was just standing there looking for a job" said former journalist Rebecca Brooks. "When a young boy with a petrol bomb confronted me. He asked me where he could dispose of his petrol bomb safely and also requested for any career advice that would ensure that he would have a nice happy life, with a big house in the country? He told me he is good at communications. I said had he ever thought about becoming a journalist"
Screaming youths left outside the job centre shouted and screamed that they not only wanted a job, they demanded a job.

Police had to cordon off the area and any youths who did not get a job
should go to the next nearest job centre. If they ran they might catch it before it closes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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