Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Thursday, 11 August 2011

image for Old Etonian toff was Tottenham looter
Toff Looter 'Eton Dave'

Two public school boys who took part in widespread looting have told friends on Facebook that the rioting was "Awesome" and have boasted about "getting freebies from rich tossers."

The posh yobs, decked out in Cargo shorts and Birkenstocks, have been caught by CCTV cameras in Sloane Square necking stolen bottles of Bollinger at 9.30am.

One of the mindless thugs, Old Etonian Dave, posted on his Facebook wall: "BORED zzzzz with summer hols", and bragged to his friends about bunking off from a luxury villa in Tuscany:

"Scoffing Linguine alla Vongole and having tennis lessons from a ponce called Rupert or rioting with the lads when it kicked off in Tottenham? No Brainer!!" posted 45 year old Dave.

Eton Dave's toff mate, 44 year old Nick from Putney, whose ambition is to be a Liberal Prime Minister, has tweeted:

"It was mental. The dudes were bombing into naff shops owned by minging peasants and stuffing supermarket trollies with chav bling and replica trainers."

Aston Villa fan Eton Dave, who claims to be the gang leader, told BBC reporters "the hood is totally rocking", and has messaged his friends on Facebook via his blackberry:

"It's the government's fault" said Eton Dave "The Conservatives. Fat rich slapheads with businesses. That's why all this happened innit blud?."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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