Written by David St.John
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Wednesday, 10 August 2011

image for Riots: Police blame lack of intelligence

A spokesperson for New Scotland Yard, Chief Inspector White, known as Whitewash of The Yard, has blamed "a lack of Police intelligence." For the poor police response to the rioting of the past few nights in the streets of London and other British cities.

Blackberry Way

"We can't get our heads around this new technology," claimed the top cop,"Apparently, people of a criminal persuasion own and know how to use smart phones, such as, what is known as a 'Blackberry' this enables people to send private messages we can't read or trace to the sender's phone."

Cricket

"It's just not cricket," he continued, "we knew some people at News of the World that may have helped find these messages but where are they when you need them?"

You Say

"Bring back National Service!" opined Local Taxi Driver and Bigot Ray 'nuggets' Blitzlover, "What these kids need is rubber bullets and a good birching, there was no crime while the Krays were about."

Tanning

Young looters have been accused of taking part in an opportunistic 'Supermarket Sweep'. Dale Winton was unavailable to comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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