Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 3 August 2011

image for Bloomin heatwave sets fire to petunias shockhorror!
Phew! What a scorcha!

London - Barking resident Mrs Iris McReedy spoke of her dismay today after a greenhouse gas-fuelled solar arson attack fried the contents of her hanging basket.

The octogenarian pensioner said she'd noticed 'a funny pong' "like smouldering compost" shortly after breakfast this morning.

"I went out on the patio, wondering if some barbecue fuel had accidentally set itself off when woosh!

"Three foot high flames suddenly sprang out of the orange F1-hybrid cultivars 'Picotee Delight' I'd bought down Columbia Road last month," the terrified gardener told reporters from the Barking Evening Argus.

Reaching for a hosepipe to douse the blaze Mrs M said the palm of her hand "suddenly blistered up at the agonizing heat" as the pipe began melting in the gruelling sunshine.

"Fortunately my next door neighbor Mrs Vera Bong heard the commotion and rushed to my aid," Mrs McReedy continued.

Dodging the toxic fumes spiralling out of control from No 12's back garden Mrs Bong managed to reach into the outdoor privy that serves as her husband's makeshift potting shed to grab a bucket of dandelion/burdock homebrew.

She then tossed it over the garden wall and put out the flames, narrowly averting a potential tragedy of stratospheric proportions.

"Whole place reeks of fermented burdock, of course," McReedy added.

"Still, a bit of a shame about the hooch, apparently the Bongs were saving it up for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee next year..."

The temperature in London remains a steady 30 degrees today.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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