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Monday, 1 August 2011

image for Ganja pipe alien crop circle 'etched by laser pen aboard International Space Station' - reports
Numerology: 28 spheres radiating from ET's brain 'may be sending a Medicinal Marijuana message re: 'time of the month'

Wiltshire - NASA top brass has vehemently denied it, of course, but the appearance of a 200ft crop circle near Stonehenge depicting ET smoking a classic ganja pipe 'may be the artwork of bored ISS astronauts'.

The etching materialised around 15 July's Capricorn full moon when the orbiting Station was perfectly aligned for someone onboard to use the Cherhill, Wilts wheat field as a blank canvas.

A number of high tech space instruments - including multi-spectrum laser beams - have recently been tested by the ISS crew as part of official assignments exploring deep space light wave frequencies.

But some extra-curricular etching activities are suspected to be behind the creation of the bug-eyed alien's face which is flanked by a halo of seven radiating rays of graduating spheres.

"There's a total of 28 globes of four different sizes," crop circle expert Dr Einstein Flintstone told reporters today.

"That number's significant, it's one of the primary Lunar Indices and suggests a female alien - perhaps even the Borg Queen herself! - is sending a clear 'time of the month' message!

"And that 75ft long bong she's smoking? A clear message that medicinal marijuana is a gift of the gods, heheheh!"

NASA's Jet Convulsion Laboratory sources were keen to stress at lunchtime today that there is no actual proof of any ISS astronauts violating sensitive equipment protocols.

However former ISS technician Commander Lisa Nowak, who was booted out of the US Navy last week following following some seedy shenanigans against former love rival USAF Captain Colleen Shipman, remains a suspect.

Nowak, an ex-mission specialist, was responsible for operating the robotic arms of the shuttle Discovery.

Some fear she may have programmed secret commands into ISS onboard computers using a simple spirograph and logarithmic co-ordinates.

These could have easily been manipulated to harness new laser-testing equipment 'by someone taking the piss', to paraphrase Dr Flintsone.

Nowak was arrested in Orlando, Florida in February 2007, driving her car to a 'hate rendezvous' with Shipman.

Police reports initially described her as wearing 'adult diapers' underneath her hooded trench coat...

The geographical coordinates of 51° 25' 0" North, 1° 57' 0" West for Cherhill are cosmically aligned with a giant marijuana leaf-shaped crater on the Moon's Sea of Tranquility.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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