London - Accusations that the NewsCorpse private investigator was an Establishment puppet were vehemently denied this weekend by gargoyle-faced Glenn Mulcaire.
Named after a notorious Scottish phishing lodge on the banks of Loch Ness the disgraced phone hacking sleuth has threatened to publish his little red book client list.
It's thought to contain the homing beacon co-ordinates for Mrs Thatcher and her extended alien family, the CEO of the First Royal Gravytrain Bank of Qatar and Mossad/KGB 'sleepers' on the Mull of Kintyre.
Mulcaire's skills in quasi-legit espionage expeditions are said to have been honed at the same Swiss finishing school as flame-haired Russian temptress Rebekah Brooks - er... Anna Kushchenko/Chapman!
And a passing resemblance to a much younger Mrs Thatcher once drew speculation that he's one of her home-grown bastard spawn - the result of alien experimentation on her innards aboard a CIA black ops retro-engineered ET craft.
"Actually, he looks a lot like that media arsehole Will Self," a facial recognition website commented today.
"Perhaps they are related."