London - Emergency austerity measures are being blamed today amid reports that Royal Freak Hospital managers have deliberately delayed HM's brain op in the hope she might either drop dead or go private.
A congenital deformity in the frontal lobe area of her brain - inherited from the daft old Queen Mum, probably! - has been blamed on a range of extremist symptoms.
Lavish sea cruises, the bankrolling of well-dodgy 'royal' weddings and a compulsion to wear assymmetrical 'Mad Hatter' headgear have had Palace officials 'crawling up the walls' for decades.
The condition was first diagnosed when all her hair fell out soon after the Blair government's moronic 1999 New Year's Eve shindig at the Millennium Dome.
"She's been bald ever since," Palace Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon admitted, "and relies heavily on custom-built wigs copied from a prototype first seen on High Laurie's head in Blackadder The Third."
Tomorrow's wedding of Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall at Edinburgh's Cannongate Kirk sees the Queen stump up some forty thousand quid for the hire of Holyrood Palace for the wedding breakfast.
Reports that she's paying for this 'out of her very own money' have been branded as deluded by those in the know.
"It's typical of the psychotic behavior she's prone to," the Royal Freak's Professor Einstein Flintstone said today.
"Everybody knows she is nuts."