As the seconds tick down everyone is feeling proud. We are staging the Olympic Games and with a year to go we have 365 more days of pontificating drivel to give to the nation.
We may not have the money the Chinese put into their Games but we are one up on them - our games have started a year early - now match that!
Everything is on schedule. We have got rid of the Top Cops who could have messed things up by arresting people just going about their normal lives.
But a doubting Thomas Turnip has put his foot in it. Right up to his eye sockets.
'What's all the fuss about?' asked ignorant Turnip and had the audacity to answer his own question. 'Shit!'
He was soon put in his place by London taxi driver, cheerful Cockney cabbie and West Ham supporter Olaf Subinawitch. 'Turn it up Turnip' he said 'shut your north and south and get down to the Boleyn ground sharpish. There are several people who want to show their spurs to you as they train for the weight lifting contest to raise West Ham back to the Premier League!'
Turnip turned and looked for the nearest onion patch to find his lonely little Petunia.
The country needs to know. The Olympic Games arse safe with us!