A new poll has thrown doubt on the results of thousands of surveys which claim to reflect the moods and tastes of the nation.
This latest survey, carried out by PollsRUs for EIF News & Features, questioned several local people and came up with some amazing statistics.
For example, when asked if they had ever been asked by MORI or YouGov whether they approved of the UK's membership of the European Union, 100 per cent of respondents said "no."
Asked whether they had ever been quizzed on their hair-care product preferences, 100 per cent of women polled answered, again, "no."
Perhaps most tellingly was the survey question "How many people do you know who's opinion on anything has ever been canvassed by an official body, public relations company, marketing operation, manufacturer or retailer?" 100 per cent of respondents said "none."
PollsRUs chief statistician Reg Pythagoras said: "These figures make for really interesting reading. Really interesting.
"We're still processing some responses, but I'm sure the full results will be very interesting indeed. We're very excited."
Here at EIF News & Features we have a terrific graphics department - Janice. However, the Spoof's number crunchers are so tight they won't pay us to use her talents, so apologies for the lack of neat little pie charts and graphs in this story.