Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 26 July 2011

image for Mad swarm of killer bees invades Amy Winehouse beehive
The colony is looking for a new queen and may hunker down in Winehouse's $25,000 hairpiece

London - North London apiarists said tonight a 15,000-strong colony of hybrid African-Camden Town killer bees is on the loose and heading for an aperture in Winehouse's chimneystack.

The mutants were seen swarming earlier on a Jeffrey Street Smart car parked outside the mews house which singer Amy once shared with ex-husband Flake Bleeder-Weevil.

Before that GBH business....

Around ten o'clock this evening the swarm zoomed off in a northerly direction, making a beeline for the Camden Square pad where Winehouse had lived most recently.

"The colony's looking for its Queen," NW1 beekeeper Reginald Rootenblotter told reporters congregated outside the vigil property.

"They'll be using their innate, primitive tracking system to identify - and occupy - a ready-made hive if the vibes feel good.

"And once they're in they'll be making gallons of classic, sticky North London honey.

"Looks a bit like Brent Marker Crude only more ginger and viscous."

Noted perruquier/wigmaker to celeb Z-Listers Harvey Haystack - who designed and produced the 100% human hair beehive sported by Winehouse - is being tracked down urgently for advice on extracting the mutant insects from the $25,000 hairpiece.

Classic smoke techniques may not work on this particular colony 'on account of the very smoky nature of the falsie tresses'.

One alternative is to hoover them all up in a bagless Dyson before rehoming somewhere far, far away.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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