Written by IainB
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Monday, 25 July 2011

image for Health and Safety Commission to invade the home
The storage of toxic waste in the kitchen must have an appropriate container, clearly marked.

According to Health and Safety Watchdog the home is the last bastion of the unsafe environment, and they intend to do something about it.

"We have sanitized the workplace," said HAScom spokesperson, Stuart Dent, "we have sanitized the street. The home is where the health and safety violations now are."

Dent wants to assign Health and Safety operatives for every house in the country to ensure that items such as non-slip bath mats, fully earthed light switches, tested electronics and uncluttered floors are the norm.

"Ideally, in each household there will be a nominated health and safety officer," said Dent. "However, we are fully aware that this is not always possible. For those homes where there is insufficient capacity to have a dedicated Health and Safety officer, the fire officer can be combined. We would even accept on officer for several houses, as long as an arrangement can be made for the officer to enter those other homes without warning."

Each Health and Safety officer would be fully trained, with Dent already knowing how this could be achieved without additional burden on the economy.

"Most households in this country have children. Children go to school. At school there are lessons in which things are learned. I am proposing a mandatory Health and Safety lesson. It can replace Chemistry, that's a difficult and dangerous subject anyway. Nobody needs it."

The children would then be in charge of ensuring that their parents kept walkways clear of obstructions, such as roller-skates on stairs or Lego blocks scattered like caltrops.

"I feel that this is the ideal situation," said Dent. "We can make slipping on a TV magazine a thing of the past. We can make Britain a safer place!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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