Written by Dr Jon
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Sunday, 24 July 2011

image for Winehouse Drug Addiction "Not Funny Now She's Dead"
Oh good, someone's dead, how interesting.

Media sources have revealed that the fact that Amy Winehouse had drug and alcohol problems ceased to be amusing the very minute she died.

Before that, obviously, the fact that she was merely clearly going to die young, was absolutely fucking hilarious, but now it has happened, fleet streets finest are competing to strike the most histrionic note of shallow regret.

"It's a crying shame" said the Daily Shit's Showbiz and Gossip correspondent Cec 'Croc' O'Diletears, "she was such a sweet young thing, so talented, such a loss."

"I hope made this abundantly clear in my many, many pieces 'Bonkers Amy loses the plot' 'Who will stop this drug fuelled harridan' and 'Crackhead Shitbox'"

Reams of lachrymose crap are being written, not that journalists have a vested interest in any story that isn't about what they've been up to for ten years, or anything.

In an amusing twist, much of the obituary memories will consist of pieces likely cobbled together from material written after Winehouse and her associates had their phones accessed in the mid 2000s, not that anyone appears to be noting this.

Media analysts have moved to quell fears of cynicism, exploitation or any suggestion that we all need to go get a bucket and puke into it.

Gary Bushcunt would like to set the record straight "What the British public fail to understand is the deeper understanding between celebrity and the media."

"When we laugh at someone for being ill, invite people to heap derision on them, suggest they should be in prison and mock their personal failures, both they and us understand it as just the way things are. You could think of it as almost respectful."

"Similarly, the inevitable 180 degree volte face when they die, the mawkish regret and the vomit-worthy specious grief are all part of a traditional process."

"That and sending two photographers in disguise to the funeral, of course."

Preparations for intruding on the grief of some bereaved people who should perhaps, in fact, left alone are in full swing.

Most TV channels are expected to carry an almost identical syrupy montage of the singer doing her hits and receiving her awards, and not a collection of all the shitty mean-minded things said about her on cack shows like 'Never Mind The Buzzcocks' by fuckwits there but for the grace of god.

Publicly pretending that no-one had even a slightly different view of someone whose just died is not a new phenomenon.

It was exactly what happened when the Princess of Wales died, after all, and that wasn't bizarre, hysterical and demeaning to us all in any way, was it?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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