Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 20 July 2011

image for Local Man Invades Poland
A portrait of Henry after he threatened to chop a baby in half to resolve a dispute over broccoli in a supermarket

Henry Moston of Didsbury near Manchester has proved his teachers right by invading Poland. And it's not the first time he has done something like this.

"He were told at school," said long suffering wife, Janice Moston, "that those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it. They were right."

According to Janice, Henry has previously crossed the Alps on the back of an elephant, beheaded two wives, survived one and divorced two others.

"When I found his past," said Janice, "I was a little worried. What with the beheadings and divorces of his previous wives. However, when I realised I was wife number six, I knew I'd outlive him."

Not all of Henry's antics have been negative.

"What first attracted me to Henry was his literary bent," said Janice. "He did set up a theatre and put on quite a lot of plays. I think the negative probably outweighs the positive though. I mean that dispute he's currently having with our neighbour, Charles Furst is getting rather heated. I have suggested we get a surveyor in from the council to mark where the border is. It feels like it's been going on for a hundred years."

Henry rose to fame as the man who stood up for the unions against the government, although he spent some time in exile on the Galapagos islands for that, discovering for himself the reason all the finches had different beaks while he was there.

"I am a little disappointed over his invasion of Poland," said Janice. "Although with any luck, it will be like his invasion of the Falkland islands, and nobody will notice."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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