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Wednesday, 20 July 2011

image for News Of The World phone hacker hacks mother-in-law to death
Ted Snivel's 'listening device'

News Of The World reader Ted Snivel has hacked his mother-in-law to death in Bognor Regis.

Mr Snivel, who boasted to neighbours that he worked for M15, claims to have been under massive stress after years of undercover surveillance work.

Police discovered the dismembered body of Snivel's mother-in-law, Doris Earwig, buried under the Bognor man's rhubarb patch.

Ted Snivel told Inspector Bill Nonce: "The old bag had it coming. She had been spying on me for years."

Mr Snivel, acting on an anonymous tip off, had tapped into a phone line at a brothel operating from a dungeon in mass murderer Fred West's Cheltenham house.

The terraced property, allegedly haunted by the ghosts of Fred West's victims, was being run, according to Ted Snivel, to satisfy the seedy and perverted fantasies of MP's and High Court Judges.

Snivel claimed that his mother-in-law, Doris Earwig, had been nosing round his shed when he finally lost patience with her:

"I caught her eavesdropping while I was tracking phone sex between a high ranking Fraud Squad Officer and an abusive dominatrix" said Ted Snivel.

Snivel admitted to Inspector Nonce that he had "cut her up into little bits" using his hedge trimmer and a rusty Swiss Army penknife.

Ted Snivel told his wife Edna that her mother had gone to "visit relatives in North Wales" and Mrs Snivel was unaware that Doris Earwig's corpse was propping up the rhubarb.

A Nazi sex doll, a 'listening device' and a scoutmaster's uniform were found by sniffer dogs in cardboard boxes in Ted Snivel's garden shed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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