Rebekuh Brooks, former News of the World secretary, elevated to Editor of the Rupert Murdoch News Empire, testified before the House of Commons today addressing members of the Committee on Culture (sic), Media and Sports regarding revelations of phone hacking and high level hob knobbing which is threatening to bring down not only the Murdoch empire, but the current English government!
Shortly after her testimony she was hustled away in a black Land Rover with blacked out windows, a motorcycle escort, and MET officers armed with submachine guns after her new attorney, Jose Baez, Casey Anthony's attorney, flew over to represent his new client.
Said Baez, " Rebekah has been having a hard time dealing with this situation, it's been a fantasy world living the high life at the top of the world in her position...it's now time
to respect her privacy and let her return gradually to the 'real world.' Rebekuh will be going away for a long time to get back in touch with herself....and just like Casey, you'll never find her!"
Baez is said to have accepted his new client after a hefty 7 figure retainer secured by her
$1.8m London pile, and 45% of the advance on her Ghost Written blockbuster book, " Never Comb Your Hair in Public....How I Beat Ginger Syndrome and Rose to the Top!"
Piers Morgan has remained mum on the subject regarding his former protegee, saying only, "I'm here for her (in the colonies) if she needs some artistic help, and a place to hang out for awhile, she worked beneath me before, and she can do it again, but I won't put up with any Bull Shit phony anecdotes...only the truth will do if she wants my literary input (sic)!"
Attempts to reach Morgan to confirm the account were to no avail, as it appears Mr. Morgan has deactivated his hard line phone.
Ms. Brooks appeared in her usual disarray before Parliament, and whilst refusing a proffered hair net to contain her tangled ginger locks, began her litany of apology without the aid of any teleprompters, an especially refreshing alternative to the usual techniques employed by Colonial President Barry O'Bama, he of Irish descent, in his form of rural government.
Despite an earlier interruption when a failed comic managed to join the hearing and
left Rupert gobsmacked with a full serving of clotted cream, and wound up receiving a round house right from the Octogenarian's comely wife, Brooks appeared non-plussed, one might say even dazed and confused as she tried to answer questions concerning the meteoric fall of a once great news empire.
Ms. Brooks denied any direct contact with private detectives, their methods, their payments, their most private revelations, while taking credit for making NOW the premier red top in Britain for the most shocking of exclusives which kept circulation surging.
During her tenure NOW was forefront and foremost on the stories that kept the nation spellbound and screaming for more, not to mention euphoric barristers kept busy and raking in the shillings for filing injunctions, including SUPER,SUPER,SUPER ones on a sliding pay scale...mostly rising to the heavens.
Who was sleeping with who, who was not because they were actually GAY, phone sex transcripts between a butcher boy and his much older well connected Scottish lover,
the real story behind Speaker John Bercow's wife Sally and the 'other' pictures when she was papped 'one sheet to the wind,' not to mention the scandals involving Fergie and Prince Andrew; toe sucking, 'physical therapy' while on yacht holiday, and payoffs for access to the Royal Family.
Ms. Brooks' severance package has not yet been announced by the Murdoch Empire, but it is assumed to be at least 7 figures, not including accumulated sick pay , vacation time not taken and job seeker allowance.
Her health care policy will continue to be paid to, and provided for, by the Mayo Clinic in the Colonies, and she will reportedly not have to fly there on Ryanaire, but will be afforded first class seating on Virgin Airlines should the need arise.
Whilst her whereabouts are unknown as of press time, there are reports she has been sighted on the Ferry to the IOW, as far away as Scotland in North Queensferry, Fife as the guest of Gordon Brown, and seen boarding a Qantas Air flight to Sydney where reports have surfaced she is planning to open a kangaroo petting zoo somewhere in the outback.
Casey Anthony, Rebekuh Brooks...they can run, but they can't hide!
More as we get it.