Written by Asheville Jack
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Tuesday, 19 July 2011

image for NPITFA Says Pies Don't Thump People - People Thump People

In the aftermath of the attack on Rupert Murdoch today the National Pie in the Face Association once again strongly defended the right of all citizens to own custard pies.

Morpheus Crown, nation chairman of the NPITFA, strongly condemned the unprovoked attack on the News Corp CEO, adding that the man who thumped Murdoch with a pie in the face does not represent all custard pie owners. "Custard pie owners shouldn't be lumped in with this loony," said Crown. "While the facts obviously justified this particular thumping, this event once again proves the old truism that custard pies don't thump people - people thump people."

Meanwhile, people outside the Parliament chamber where Murdoch was thumped scattered when sound of the thumping reached them. One middle aged women from Cheshire reported to police seeing a man, possibly dressed in a clown suit, hiding behind bushes by a nearby a grassy knoll. "I swear he was holding what looked like a custard pie," said Sadie Crackle. "I don't have to tell you I was scared out of my wits."

Other witnesses also reported seeing the man, raising the disturbing possibility of a second pieman.

Mere minutes after the thumping, Her Majesty the Queen released a statement saying the thumping was a sad day indeed for all of Britain. A spokesman for the Queen said Her Majesty was far too hesitant to appear in person, and quoted the Queen as saying that perhaps the time has come to outlaw custard pies altogether.

Media reports also noted increased security throughout Britain after the dastardly thumping. London Bobbies were seen raiding numerous bakeries, confiscating or smashing custard pies in a futile attempt to restore public order.

A reporter for the Mirror reported that the mad Murdoch attacker may have eaten his own foot after being arrested and thrown in a cell. The News of the World relented and published one last last paper with the headline, "IS THIS CUSTARDS LAST STAND!"

Appearing on the six o'clock news Prime Minister David Cameron may have lessened his chances for reelection when he said that custard pie ownership was protected under English common laws dating back to the 1600's. "Just as I am confident that my old friend Rupert Murdoch is innocent of any wrong doing, I am also in no doubt that the good people who own custard pies are patriotic citizens. And there will be no custard pie ownership restrictions or registration necessary as long as I am Prime Minister."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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