Written by Morse
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Monday, 18 July 2011

image for Red Top Mystery Deepens Over NOW Reporter Allegedly Found DOA in Locked Luggage!
Another Brit Found Tucked in Suitcase; Is This a Deadly Clue?

Nobody ever said the Brits weren't tidy, as yet another high profile public figure was found dead in a locked gym back in his apartment, according to Scotland Yard, who found 'nothing remotely suspicious' in the discovery.

The body, found bagged and already tagged, allegedly with a note in his mouth, turned out to be former News of the World (NOW) entertainment and show business reporter Sean Hoare who helped blow the lid off the NOW scandal involving phone hacking which ultimately led to the arrest of 10 journalists, and the shutting down of the largest circulated newspaper in England owned and controlled by Rupert Murdoch.

Scotland yard is said to be 'on the case' despite the fact they are adrift and rudderless after the sudden resignation of Sir Paul Stephenson who resigned his top post after former
NOW hot shot Rebekah Brooks' arrest this weekend, and revelations of her cozy relations with high ranking politicians, coppers involving pay for play info on the most public of figures, as well as the most mundane.

The case has a load of similarities to the still unsolved deaths of MI 6 agent Gareth Williams and arms investigator David Kelly.

Williams was said to be involved in top secret activities revolving around cracking codes on encrypted phone messages (!), whilst Kelly was said to have stumbled on earth shattering proof linking British politicians exchanging guns for personal information on foreign leaders in Egypt, Libya, Syria, Afghanistan, Mexico, Detroit and Iraq.

Williams was found naked in a wheelie bag waiting for a FedX pickup to Somalia, and Kelly was said to have slit his wrists although there was no sign of blood at the scene were he was found, and there was no fingerprints on the alleged death instrument, a sterling silver bread knife with a royal crest on it.

Whilst a headless Scotland Yard flounders about, conspiracy buffs are having a field day.

Red headed Anna Chapman, the now popular repatriated Russian spy with intimate links to Vladimir Putin, the British Parliament as well as in the US, where she appeared as a Facebook friend to disgraced congressman A. Weiner, no pun intended, hasn't been ruled out of the mix. Nude pictures of the temptress were said to be found in the suitcase with Williams, in Kelly's briefcase, and in Hoare's sock drawer!

Other Ginger Haired suspects have been declared 'persons of interest', and should be revealed soon, according to Piers Morgan, who is back working in the US as a TV presenter, and stringer for The Guardian.

While no one is yet naming names, allusions to a medusa haired wild woman are creeping into the tabloids, and several high profile barristers have been contacted concerning the possibility of 'slapping' a SUPER, SUPER, SUPER injunction on any further conjectures from
discredited reporters, allegedly from The Spoof.Com, who make any further spurious claims.

Spoof Editor Mark Lowton denied any culpability, but did say he was planning a new Sunday edition of the UK Spoof edition with circulation rising to 3m from the daily read of about 392.

Circulation in the US and Canada of the Colonial Spoof edition continues at a steady 95k.

Said an unnamed colonial stringer for the Spoof keeping a low profile, "all things considered, I think I'm better off being Read than Dead!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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