Written by j.w.
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Topics: Prison

Monday, 18 July 2011

image for Prison Policy Breakthrough
News International's Future Assured

Ken Clarke has come up with a policy that should reduce the prison population considerably, thus enabling the treasury to organise a tax cut for those earning over £100,000 a year.

Clarke, in private discussions that I somehow overheard, has decided that prisoners who say they are sorry for their crimes will be released early. Those who say they are very sorry will be let out immediately and put on probation.

Probation officer numbers will be reduced in order to make the policy workable.

Cries from Tory backbenchers earning less than £100,000 (two at the last count) are anticipated but are likely to be ignored as Prime Minister Cameron has yet to learn from Ed Miliband what he should do.

In an interview with Ed Miliband to be published in tomorrow's Sun, the leader of the Labour Party is going to suggest that 'policy changes' at the Sun would enable them to carry on publishing in the future. Those 'policy changes' were not specified but are thought to include Sunday's which are cloudy.

American interest in the Hacking affair was given fresh impetus by Ed Miliband's offhand remark that News International should make Tony Blair their Chairman after Rupert Murdoch leaves his post. 'If there is one person who can find Words Meant Differently in News International dungeons is must be our Tony' Ed said with a smile.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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